Less of me!

I started looking over my photo journals and realized that I need to flat out lose weight!. Yes I said it and now I put it in the universe and it shall be.

I have already lost 70lbs and I am grateful for that. However, once the muscle wasting started to ravage my legs my Doctors quickly sent me to a Nutritionist. She used a cookie cuter pyramid guide of foods and she added meats to my vegan life. She added carbs and host of other foods that quickly caused inflammation for me.

I had not eaten meats in 5 years. I was a strict Vegan carbs were in moderation. I consumed no sugar or added salt. Following her outline instantly  my weight loss stopped and weight gained started.

Now having RA is tough enough on your joints period. In one year I’ve gained 11lbs. This is no bueno! Somewhere my goals got sidelined. I let fear overwhelm me and stopped listening to my body. When I can’t walk or move that’s a problem that I need to address.

I am a driven woman. This is not acceptable to me. I will begin slowly. I will remove what I know to be toxic to my body. I will add whole foods, live foods ,fermented foods like kraut and Kombucha. I will put good bacteria in to body to kick start my healing. I will start my yoga and slowly walk with assistance until I can walk again unassisted.

So you will see less of me physically. I will document this journey. I will finish what I started.

May you know your body, may you love your body, may you listen to your body.


I have a lump in my breastūüėģ

I have just come back from seeing my Rheumatologist. I started on Methroxate injectable and I have gotten more nodules . I have one on each shoulder one on my thumb and one in my breast and one in the back of my head.

The one that is in my breast I almost broke a sweat out on. It hurts I mean really hurts. Now I want to say I have only seen my Rheumatologist once I see his PA and I love him. He examined my breast and said it feels like and then I just stopped listening. I did not cry which I have to pat myself on my back for. He said get your Mammogram luckily I get my Mammograms yearly and I am due for mine this month. I am going to get it ASAP.

What have I learned is that I  am stronger than  I think. I also am grateful that I have grown to know that all will be well.

I write this in transparency because breast health is a scarey situation. We want to keep quiet about it. However, get your mammograms and if you have any changes tell your Doctor, PA or nurse immediately.!https%3A%2F%2F41.media.tumblr.com%2F6dc031d3146ffeea5a0ec91102e86aea%2Ftumblr_n81tp33mvt1s0lpkco1_1280

I am stronger than I think.! I have a breast lump and I will be ok.



I Am!

For quite some time now I have been fooled with the fact that having a diagnosis defines you. Well I was totally wrong. I labored in the realization that I have this incurable medical condition and it consumed my life. I could not go back before the diagnosis so I have to look towards the future.

My future is outlined with many wonderful things and many people depending on me to assist them with their life goals and their visions. I cannot change my RA. I can live with it and move on. I have things to do people to help and personally I just can’t wallow any longer.

I Am the two most powerful words spoken. How I end that sentence is in a good place. Life is about balance you cannot sit on one side and not balance it out for if you do you will be sitting forever.

For those that are reading this think of your I Am. I want you to put the most positive end to that sentence. I want you to walk it till you talk it. Create a place that makes you happy.

For my ending I Am someone happy!

Love always,



My 2 year journey with my teeth

If you follow my blog you will know that I suffer with and autoimmune illness called RA. However, I also have other medical conditions and psychological conditions. Now for most people going to the Dentist may bring on a little anxiety but when you are paralyzed with fear that is a whole different dimension.

Prior to being diagnosed with RA I truly had not been to a Dentist in decades. When I got sick my teeth started to break and crack. During my RA Doctors first visit he talked to me about how important dental care is. I wanted to vomit. I looked at my wife as we walked out she said now you have to go to the Dentist.

Within the first year of having RA my teeth just went south. It was lack of existing yearly dental care and RA. When I got a tooth ache I would use any remedy I could come up with. I used clove oil for pain, teabags on the tooth, aspirin on the tooth coconut oil to stop the throbbing of the tooth ache. Then I got a nasty abscess. Having and Immune disorder and a raging infection in my mouth was dangerous. I was up for days. I had an appointment with my GP my partner told her I had a horrible tooth ache. My GP said this is something you cannot play with I want you to go to the Dental Clinic right now. I instantly started shaking We went two floors up. It was 3:30 exactly my partner went to the desk and explained the situation. The receptionist said we can’t see her. However, the floor supervisor came to me and said follow me. I was shaking, I was crying I was scared! My partner was holding my hand the supervisor said you will breath through this operation. I said operation what! ¬†She asked me to trust the process. I got a shot of novocaine¬†and no pain. The tooth was extracted in about 5 minutes. I was ok! I wanted to tell the world but I got bad news I needed major work done on my teeth to keep me healthy. ¬†Their were plans made for many extractions root canals and then plans for my upper partials to be made and my lower partials to be made. It took 2 years to do. During this I have changed Dentist 3 times. I go to a clinic so they are students they only stay a year. I just had my last extraction done 2 days ago. The room was filled with all the Dental assistants who have been on this journey with me. My Dentist who is new to me was so surprised. The love I have for them helping me to get through this is unbelievable.¬†

Having a root canal done. Unfortunately I had to have the tooth extracted. I wanted to save the tooth but it could not be saved.

Having a root canal done. Unfortunately I had to have the tooth extracted. I wanted to save the tooth but it could not be saved.

Dental anxiety is real. On my chart it says Dental anxiety  Do not be ashamed find a place that can accommodate what you are going through. I now know that I will be ok in the Dentist chair. I will always have the anxiety but I can do it and so can you!

Stress and RA don’t mix

Stress is a four letter word that should be banned. Stress on any person with and illness or not is a burden. Stress can come in many forms self generated as in a drama queen. Stress can also come from situations you have nothing to do with. However, stress causes people everyday powerful emotional drain. If I get stressed my body will lock up instantly. Now if that is the response to stress for me with a suppressed immune system what about you?. Take time to love yourself. Put you first. I know that is hard because as women we are supposed to be a brick. Well over time and erosion even a brick will break down. We are born dependent for feeding and for life. We will leave dependent sometimes for the same things. It is the in between that matters. Live as stress free as you can in the meantime. Your body and soul will thank you immensely. IMG_2628

Chemotheraphy needle can’t touch my thickness…

I have a thickness others may call aIMG_0574weakness.

I am voluptuous and stellar during all my treatments

I am so glad that my body dimension is thick in the hips

Because when that needle hits it never misses

Yes I am lucky to be curvy and round

Especially during a time when illness has me held down

I have never been a bone o sorry once I was for a lover

She was a choclate delight who liked her women thin and no other

Well she is long gone and glad for that

Cause I would have put on this weight and she would have called me fat

With all I am going through that would not of went over well

So I married my wife and she is thick as hell

Chemotherapy and Dreads

I have been growing my dreads for 20 years. They are below my waist. I usually wrap my hair in ornamental wraps however, these days that is hard to do to say the least.

I have been on Chemotherapy for a few years now and my hair has done it’s normal shedding. I have not noticed anything significant however, with dreads the hair that sheds makes the dread so I would not notice unless it just dropped out.

The thing with the type of Chemotherapy I take for RA can be a pill or an injection. I take the injection. It appears to work better for me now and has  less side effects.

Being a Naturalist it affords me the luxury to not have to tangle with my hair on a daily basis. I love my natural hair. I am known to play with it twist it or coil it with my finger.

Growing up I really loved doing  hair. I was always told I had growing hands. That meant if I braided or twisted your hair it would grow.  Even as I aged I would always be creating a crown of glory on a friends head with baby locs or two hand twist.

I will sum this up. Methroxate¬†IMG_3106has not made my hair fall out. I take folic acid pills and leave the comb alone and it works for me. It’s the journey not the destination that keeps me going. One day at a time.